To Do the Thing You Think You Cannot Do

When serving as a Peace Corps Volunteer you’re often asked to do things you don’t want to do. That’s part of the experience but you know that going into it. 

Before leaving the US I received a lot of reactions about giving up two years of my life to live in an undeveloped place: “Whoa, be safe!” “You’re so brave!” and “Are you crazy?! Why?!” were just a few.  But I also heard others like “I’ve always wanted to do Peace Corps...”, “That’s wonderful, good for you” and “You are so strong, I admire your courage.”  I’m sure they were also secretly thinking I must be a little nuts to go live in a place without knowing much about it.  And that’s probably also partly true.

In the past year and half I have noticed a lot more what I’m capable of and that got me thinking that in general most people probably don’t realize what they are able to adjust to.  You would probably be surprised if you were put in a situation what you’ll end up doing.  Could you learn another foreign language? Could you give up a refrigerator? Could you go a week (or two) without showering? Could you give up your favorite restaurant? You probably wouldn’t like it, but if you HAD to, you probably could.  Especially if it meant doing something for someone else.  And that’s kind of what PC is all about. We come here, hoping to help others and make a difference, but we end up stretching ourselves along the way.

I wasn’t really sure how I’d learn another language and communicate with people.  The first night in my host family I could barely string together a sentence about what I ate and resorted to pulling out a photo album and just saying things like “brother”, “mother” and “me” to try and ease the awkwardness.  Now I’m able to go into a shop and meet someone and have an entire conversation with someone who knows no English. That feels pretty damn good.

I didn’t think I could go without a refrigerator, especially in summer months when temperatures get up to 100+ degrees for the majority of daylight hours, but I am.  I didn’t say I was enjoying it, but I’m doing it.  (It’s not so difficult anyway when you only make enough food to eat and don’t have tons of wasted leftovers.)

This comes from a recent experience I had on the last bit of my run.  (Are you also finding a reoccurrence of my blogs relating to my running?) I happened to be coming up on the end of my run along a main road last week when I saw seven small baby puppies scattered across the road.  They had literally just come out of the womb.  The mother was nowhere in site and I pulled my earphones out to hear them wailing out for their mother, for food, or just because they were in pain.  I didn’t know what to do but I just couldn’t think of leaving them in the middle of the highway only to be run over by the next truck or car.  I noticed that two of them weren’t making any noises. While looking around for what might be their mother, I quickly moved the others one by one to the side of the road.  The last pup I noticed still had what looked like the inside of the mother’s stomach attached to it (with the umbilical cord) and I realized to move this pup with minimal pain I’d have to move this placenta as well.  Now here is a situation I never thought I’d find myself in.  And I guess I could have just walked away. I thought to myself how Azerbaijan is no place for a dog.  They likely wouldn’t lead a comfortable life; they’d end up spending most days fighting other dogs or being eaten.  They probably wouldn’t survive the heat and wouldn’t last the day without their mother or any food. Yet I just couldn’t let myself leave them in the road. How badly I wanted to take them all home with me and nurse them back to care-they were only the size of one of my hands.  But realistically I knew this wasn’t possible.  I can’t save all the cats and dogs here, just as I can’t change this town in my two years. Once I realized this last year it freed me from a lot of stress and pressure I put on myself.  I can only make a small impact, open a few minds, create some relationships and hopefully leave an impression. 

So while I wished I could have done more, I found a nearby plastic bag stuck in a bush (the one time I’m actually glad the love of plastic bags is ruining the environment). I covered my hands with the bag as I move the last pup (with the stomach tissue) to the side of the road in a more comfortable and shaded area.  All I could do was hope the mother returned or they at least wouldn’t have a painful death. 

I finished my run thinking how practically every day I do something here I wouldn’t be doing if I was living a more comfortable lifestyle.  This wasn't a truly difficult situation and I've encountered far more unpleasant, awkward or weird circumstances.  But it was something I definitely didn’t think I would ever run into.  I suppose that’s life though—if we’re never tested outside of our comfort zones we might never know what we’re able to live without, how we’d react or see we’re made of.  Though this has been a difficult year and half, full of ups and downs, struggles, times of learning, listening, giving up and giving in, it’s also been about letting go, reaching out and growing. I can confidently say that although I miss many things about the developed world I have never regretting my decision to forgo those things.  I realize how much more I’ll be grateful for them when they are available and perhaps there will be things I can learn to live without.  (In that I mean excess, not washing machines or showers. ;) )